Exhausted

I'm feeling so exhausted.... really exhausted

tired of walking on without knowing where am I heading to...

tired of all these fucked up shit..

What exactly is the reason for me remaining unfrozen...

can anything really be said to escape all the meaningless..

I was left so far behind...

feeling tired and discarded...

do I really have to be led on by the nature of this world...

feel...it's gonna make me sink deeper ... yet I would rather remain unfrozen..

will people just leave me alone...

I just wanna be alone so just leave me alone...

I'm willingly imprisoned in my own world....

not moving on or stepping out...

a messed up world where everything is simply not arranged in order...

I pray that the bitterness within me will removed and go away...

How I wish everything resonates happiness....

Envy and jealousy aren't leading me anywhere but I'm consumed by it...

I have misunderstood moments of happiness...

elusions that seemed so surreal...

foolishly staying awake to chase a void...
flashbacks intertwining.... replaying and replaying...
perhaps life has just begun... hopes inflamed again...
foolishness on my part again...are hopes and dreams meant to be asleep forever...

trying too hard to sustain on apathy...overly reliant... a pain point...

what can I find in me when I'm comatose...

what am I seeking for actually....naivety.. can't resist...

I'm embracing it with irrationality...simply didn't bother if it's real...

that won't change how it feels...

who am I...purposeless presence and insignificancecrying when there's nothing to feel...

who really noticed that loneliness..

waking up everyday to know that I'm alone...

I'm confused...

as to how I'm feeling today or it's simply an implicit denial,

masquerading as confusion...

I just have to keep up with the pretence till the day I can open my eyes
and finally get a sense of what smiling meant again...

dun even bother to decipher what's being written coz I know it's meaningless...

Moi ambition

I spent most of my time day-dreaming ��� day-dreaming of wad I���m going to do in the future
and I really mean it....

I have a long list of what-to-be
i wanna be an air stewardess..
I wanna be a tour guide
I wanna be a kindergarten teacher
I wanna be a Singer

I wanna be a music or lyric composer
i wanna be a interior designer

i wanna be a fashion designer...

i wanna be a lawyer.. lawyer buruk

i wanna be an actress..
I wanna be a lady boss

i wanna be a tai tai... �� leng tai tai ^__^ (I noe, I noe.. I very ���Mou tai chi��� ma) *snort*

Sounds crazie huh ? I didn���t realize tat I���m tat ambitious -_-lll
I know I cant be everything
but at least i try to be something...
Better then nothing...
So...its time to set my goal...
Which im tryin real hard to get...*I guess*

But it is HARD
BECAUSE���.

I change my mind every time I saw a new HK , Korea or Taiwan drama series
I wanna be a doctor after I watched the ���Healing Hands���
I wanna be a lawyer after I watched the ���Survival Law���
I wanna be a police after I watched the ���Forensic Heroes���

I wanna be a teacher after I watched the GTO
I wanna be an insurance agent after I watched the ���Love Guaranteed���

I wanna be an archaeologist after I watched the ���The Biter Bitten���
And lots more ���..This is what they describe as 3-minutes-ambitious *snort*

So much to say yet so little time

No matter how many times time falls back,
I never seem to gain an additional hour

Business opportunity

Tat day i received a message from Amy in friendster written : selling ur ladies egg RM 3500

Sounds attractive huh ? attracted by the RM 3500

So i just click and read from line to line..para to para...begining until da ending

Here it is

We are looking for young ladies of any race, between the ages of 18 and 32 to help childless couples by becoming an egg donor.For female and NON-muslim only. You will get RM3,500 If you are an accomplished and attractive young woman we hope you will consider our programme. We realise the enormity of your gift and are dedicated to making the experience as personal and as wonderful as possible.For guys..you can ask your girl friends if they are interested to donate.Anybody interested please email your photos(full body&face) and your profile inclusive of name, age, race, hp number, address, height, weight, body statistic, blood type (if known),hair eyes & skin colour, highest educational certificates you are presently studying or have studied, occupation, hobbies etc...Its safe and easy.. Well known clinic in damansara, KL and Johor. As we all know, ladies eggs are produced and dropped every month, so it's better to donate and give hope and joy to a loving couple. USA and UK guidelines are strictly followed by the clinic - you can donate many times and still can get pregnant after that. Interested? or Any questions: email- dearhoney_bu82@yahoo.com

Help the helpless

Help the childless

I guess it's a perfect way of giving joy and happiness in the lives of childless couples. Too bad, i couldnt .. according to Amy, I am too fat and ugly...* snort *

Gigantic fuckfest *snort*

Disclaimer : This is a personal site where I carry on about all manner of subjects. The site contains material that some might consider rude, profane, offensive, or otherwise objectionable

Rough day, my people.
I slacked this morning, because, well, because there was no classes.
But I forgot there’s a grp discussion goin on today
Things doesn’t turn up well
I'm so fucked up, I wonder if I'll keep myself alive until next week
*GrrRrrrr~~~* high functioning fuckup
I might puke on one of the members

I can sense that he/she enthusiastic telling me
Look you fucks, I'm not joking. I'm in charge and you're going to fucking listen
Moi : Yeah Yeah! Fucking shut up, you pathetic fucks!

Things getting more n more fucked-up now.
They could become fucked-up in a couple of days and weeks
especially at the start of December.
The most fucked-up part is that I don't give a flying fuck.
It's not fuckin' bothering me!
Along with all this fucked-up-ness,
there's so much non-fucked-up-ness to look forward to,
which could become even more fun if my brain gave me some ideas to implement.
Sprinkle a dash of motivation to do certain things, and there'd be nothing better.

- 5 hours meeting -

Does anything get resolved?
Not really.
We all just get temporarily "un-fucked." Then we just get all fucked up, again.
Everyone in the world knows me is fucked.
How am I going to stop this gigantic fuckfest ?

'HO CHIAK' with L-net

Today we'll be dining at Restoran LOGENHAUS Now Logenhaus having promotion -> oysters RM 2.99++ only

so what r u waiting for *winkz*

Moi and mummy

Moi and broMoi wif family
Garlic bread
Oxtail soup

YUmmy~~~
Oysters

Lalala ~~

Roasted chicken with ....

Olli seafood spaghetti

Chicken chop

Ice-cream

The end ~ taaa ~~

Wishes upon *snort*

It's only mid-October,
but Christmas lights are twinkling in my brain
and ideas for out of the ordinary holiday trips
are percolating in my mind..

I need a holiday trip
Somewhere away from Kuala Lumpur
Away from Malaysia
Mayb to Thailand *since I’m so broke lately*
Or mayB S’pore ?
Haih ~~~~
Anyhoo, I’m saving my money in my piggy bank
i wish tat I could fly to HK or Taiwan after my advance ^______^
*snort*

Siao char bor - I am *snort*

Some1 asked me how am I goin to stop being crazie

Moi : No idea

BUT
I noe how to be siao *snort*

Siao recipe :-
Getting siao is actually very easy – how easy? Very easy lorr ~~~~
All you need to do is to act differently from the way you are…
When ppl realize u act differently then
Everybody else will immediately think you have gone SIAO
People like me, doesn’t need to act differently bcos I am different from the others
That’s y they say I born cacatly ~ lose 1 screw in my brain -__-lll *cruel*

Most of the time, no1 seems to understand my original thought
All the times, no1 could understand ‘me’
They said I alwiz talk something which no1 seems to understand *sob*
But on the other hand, when I try to act normal..
They are widely and strongly considered I am superb SIAO

So there's really nothing to it. Getting crazy is a piece of cake.
Believe me - I've done it a number of times.

- To be continue -

I'm a big fat pig *snort*

MooOooo~~ I’m a pig
I’m da
sexiest
and
cutesiest
pig
oink (^(oo)^) oink

Well, Here I sit, chocolate in hand, wondering what the heck went wrong with my diet!
This weekend was a bust!
Deepavali dinner at Aunty Dolly house, Deepavali buffet at KK Club, and yada yada yada.
I completely abandoned my diet rules (and all reason for that matter)
and stuffed myself with yummy-o-licious tidbits.
The buffet at KK Club is incredible :- Satay, Tomato rice, Chapatti, bread pakoda, plain naan, garlic naan, methi roti, aloo paratha, puri, bhature covered in full-fat dressing, my meal (huge portions) and a giant dessert (Ais Batu Kacang)

I woke up feeling horrible after eating all that crap.
Unfortunately, that was not enough to stop my repeat performance
I made sure to eat lots so that I wouldn't get hungry later. *snort*

Sunday nite, went to Jln Alor for Teow Chew porridge
Feeling so full after the Deepa buffet
Yet, somehow, I managed to find enough room in my stomach for PORRIDGE!
Eek! I was in full binge-mode at this point.
I guess I deserve a Oink Award for my ability to eat my own body weight in one weekend!

Needless to say, I was disgustingly full, and extremely disappointed. So, what does a diet-challenged girl do when she's in the dumps: eat! When I got home, I sat on the couch for an hour, couch-potato-ing and ate an entire plastic of bread that I kept in my bag which helps to evade me from getting hungry. Hey, I may have won the "Who can break the most diet rules in one day" award also!

I can say, "Oh, I'm under a lot of stress." or "Oh, I deserve a break"...but none of that warrants the pig-like display of this weekend. I really felt bad about it..but now I'm kinda' in a rut. I could say that tonight will be the last night, but who would I really be fooling? And now that I've replaced today's lunch with Deepa cookies brought by Bavani and Cream bread, guess what I'll be craving for dinner... *secret*

Well, I guess I'll say that I will do better tomorrow. I'll bring my lunch and eat a sensible breakfast and try again. Maybe if I got off of my *** and exercised, my craving for bad foods wouldn't be as urgent.. But, my mom always said, "Shoulda', coulda', woulda', regrets will kill you.".. So, all I can do is move forward from here. At least I put the chocolate down while I typed! :-)

Until tomorrow..

Blabberness

My current mood :

Happy at the same time as sad
Sad whereas excited
Excited although I’m bored
Bored even thou im bliss
Joy yet tiring
Tiring while energized
Conclusion :- randomness mood

Randomness

I want to go to bed
But I want to blog
I have nothing to blog and
very obviously drifting to another world
I'm tired

*snort*

Deepa @ LaundryBar

More pics coming soon... Too lazy to upload all !!

TAA !!