Scuba-diving mode

Been really busy lately
Keep myself occupied with work, work and work
Been following my boss around to Menara KL for brainstorming lunch appointment,
XOX and etc
(with LRT) *Yep, Net is no longer a PRINCESS.. woohoo
soon, i'm going out for sales.. boohoo!
so *BOSS ! I NEED A GPS* thank you
*Yep, i'm aint shy*

***

I passed by his house yesterday after an appointment at Jaya1
It reminds me again of HIM
and that's why I think I've been really smart for not
posting all of his picture in Facebook or moi blog
*but that doesn't makes any difference duh*
and secondly bringing him meeting all my family members is a
superbly wrong decision
cause I've been stuck up with question(S) about him *sigh*
I'll choose to avoid their questions most of the time
but now, i shall just accept the FACT
so its time to tell them the truth..
as I'm too tired to play hide and seek or guessing game with them..
I need to be equally fair to him and his new girlfriend..

***

I've confession to make :
Yep, I'm deeply regret, terrible regret over lost relationship
I am shocked at my behaviour towards him

In bouts of extreme anger i shut myself in a room
and imagine strangling him and torturing him
for all the misery and abuse.. teehee
I still remember when i first met him, he was very caring…
But now he doesn't care anymore.. *sigh*
Any of my anger episodes he just ignores me.
I plead and make a mockery of myself.
I have no dignity and self respect in his eyes.
He treats me like a mental patient and that doesn't annoys me
but it make me scared and traumatized even more.

I don't know am i over-sensitive or wert
but i can sensed the love is getting lesser and lesser early this year
Less meet ups, Less dinner, Less movie, Less talk, Less SMS
it freaks me up, it really do
that is why i started to blog about the emo love thingy
*Click Here*
but he thought I'm in love with someone else
but indeed, his the person that I'm referring too..
Aint, his stupid at times ?
but i just love his stupidity..

Thus I am scared about the fact that I will hurt myself in my misery.
No one can even guess looking at me at the mental traumas I have been through.
I seem like a very easy and happy go lucky person.
Every person thought they really understand me
but they are so wrong, wrong-wrong!
But i make a wrong choice for keeping everything right inside me
I shall learn to voice out
If i choose to speak up,
maybe I'm able to lean on his shoulder for another few more seconds
i'll be happy even for just a few seconds
*but its too late*
Hence, no one knows what lies beneath.
I cry hours in bathrooms…I can't sleep....I club....*more often*
I felt so lost and lonely and cheated and angry that he doesn't care me anymore
I really wish i had not met him
cause I am truly addicted to him.
I doubt if i love him …..i wouldnt treat him like he treats me.

(WWH!! I NEED MARIJUANA TOO)

*Pictures ahead* updating tonight

Memories ~~

***

Unrequited love

This blog is my therapy.
It’s one of my forms of expression.
Started off as a method to update my daily life
"The ups and downs"
but it evolved into so much more :- My EMO love life..
So kindly click "Exit"
if you find it bored and uninteresting

as for now, i just want to jot down all the memories I've gone thru with him
so when i'm old and i'm down with Alzheimer,
I'll still able to remember the sweet and sour, the smile and frown
as you know forgetfulness tends to increase with age
I'm not YOUNG anymore.. *big wet eyes*

***

You may stop worrying about me,
I'm no longer suffering from killer once-sided crush
I know, nothing i can do to change it into a relationship.
I know he doesn't love me anymore
and I can't even make him like me too
How I wish there are magic spells or secret tricks
that will make a person who suddenly feel for you
the way you feel for them
*dream on, i know*
Although it is hard to accept that this person doesn't return your feelings,
and it's pain
but I'd accept the fact and I'm moving on..
I'm awake *finally*, i know there isn't any chance to patch up
so I'll just pray for him
altho i'm still searching for my MR.Right
but i hope his happy with his another half and i know he is
and
we'll be friends forever

Question : Shall I start a new life with new blog domain or
shall I just make this blog private or
shall I just stop blogging ?

P/s: If I Can Only Be With You In My Dreams, Then Let Me Sleep Forever..


- The End -

The time to love is short

I've been really bad, bad in neglecting my blog once again
and even think of deleting this unglam blog
*Poking my stupid head*
Anyhoo, thanks for the emails
and sorry for keeping my blog in private mode for weeks
However, I've made up my mind to maintain this unglamorous blog..boohoo
thus I'm goin to update my blog as usual from now on
*Clap hands*

***

So I'm now sitting in the office, blogging nonsense emo thingy as usual
while eating RM1.30 instant cup noodle
(tomyam flavour! yumm! me like)

Yeap, I've been torturing myself for the past few weeks
I've not been eating or sleeping well, and
I stop going out and mingle around with friends

People around telling me that I've changed
Hmm! I doesn't know whether its GOOD/BAD ?! *rolling eyes*
But I wasn't and couldn't care anymore

Hence, I think I've grow MATURED as day go by

and now I'm a big girl !!
And i finally understand the meaning of :-
"Sometimes its so HARD to let go,
but its easier than holding on to something that isn't there
altho it's "OUCH!!!"
but
I'm letting go FINALLY *i hope*

I think this is the biggest crisis that i've ever faced so far;
I've never been such heartaching
but when he remained stolid
I know it's time to LET GO!

I finally realized that I'm holding onto something

"which doesn't belongs to me" so tightly

which has been affecting not only me, but my family...

So I'm trying to let go...
and i know i'll be struggling..
but in order to move on, I must learn to let go...
letting go something and someone I've been trying to hold on to for the longest time...
*big hugs* to those who are starting a new chapter in your life

P/s: To let go is to fear less and love more

- The End -

Day 98

PLEASE LEAVE THIS STUPID EMO BLOG

I know smoking is risky but i'm hooked up
To me the risk is worth the benefits
I know I'm stupid but its beyond my control

And I started smoking briefly nowadays
a few cigarettes for a day ?!
1 box of ciggy in 2 hours time ?!
Well, who cares..

I keep reminding and telling myself
not to miss him
and i shall move on, MOVE-ON
Since he doesn't love me anymore
I don't think i shall love myself too


- The End -

The End

And so begins my new life..
I've tried my very best to maintained but it doesn't WORK
As today I asked for a second chance
and the answer was "NO"
Yep, OUCH~~~~~~
He said everythin was too late, cos he has been with another new girl in
just a few weeks time
(not more than a month after we're officially break up)
Altho I still believe that his the guy that I'll get married and settle down
if I've given the 2nd chance *Farnee*
Maybe your right, maybe his not my MR.Right after all
My friends kept telling me its not worth loving a guy who let me go easily
Maybe ?!!
If i knew it earlier, i wouldn't be sitting here healing my wound
while his with someone else
(as he may know how many persons that I've turned down
just because i'm still loving him)
No worries, i'm getting thru the initial shock, sadness and loss
but i wouldn't hold myself back nemore
since he had moved on with another new girl

I think i shall just blame myself from being such an IDIOT
Falling in love with a guy who doesn't appreciate me
Its good to realized it now than later, aite ?
Altho this is the hardest step, but i'll be STRONG

No worries, my life is now returning to some semblance of normalcy
and my blog remained
(as i'm too lazy to think and to create a new blog),
as he wouldn't care to view or to read anymore
Well, thats the end of a closed-to-four-years-love/hate-stories

Pst: Thanks to those who care about me, I'm truly appreciate it
*hugs*

- The End -

Day 95

Even if's it's beautiful, it was the past

It was a beautiful promise because we were too young
And now I'm just like a fairy living in a wrong forest
Thus everything seems so wrong and it's transparent

Day 94

I blog.. at last..
I think my blog is the world's shortest blog? Perhaps.
I shall just name this blog as
"Lynette's abandoned blog"
Well, i guess its because my life stories has ended
and a new chapter has started and i'm moving on
(inspired by ThimNut)
I'm moving to a new blogspot,
new life, new friends, new environment and new blog traffic

I'm currently enjoying every single moments in my life
going out almost every night catching up with friends..
pampering myself with LV, Gucci, Prada, Channel *as if*

---

Now it's four o'clock
The club is closed
I'm drunk, I'm stupid and I'm tired

As i said, I'm starting a new chapter of my life
I know TIMES bring a cruel ending
and I'm still struggling thru it
I finally understand the pain of shedding tears is double compared to spilling blood
and now i need someone to wrap up my wound and keep me off loneliness

I use 3 years to maintain my feeling
(but you only) use 3 seconds to end our relationship


- Blog CLOSED officially -