Feb 20, 2008

The day after tml

Today is one of those days, feeling down, feeling blue, nothing clicks for me. It’s raining, it’s pouring, and my life seems so boring. Nothing is really wrong, just this overwhelming feeling of nothingness.

Another frequent feeling nothingness, I feel a void, a black hole, an abyss, hollow, and empty space. Basically there is a feeling that something is missing. I feel a hole in our heart, emptiness somewhere in the space of my chest.

Life is full of changes. I, as a person, am changing a bit everyday. I think I am beginning to live a life of nothingness. I do nothing and now don’t feel much and soon would be thinking nothing as well. Thinking doesn’t help, thinking in the right direction helps. I kept on thinking how, when, why and so on but it wasn’t in the right direction. So starting this moment I stop thinking until I realize what that right direction means. Pain has become me. It’s not a stranger anymore; it’s not an uninvited guest. I think the only thing which has been consistent with me is pain so it’s like a buddy now. I have lost all ties with the world. I don’t talk much, sometimes I feel like but then that feeling disappears faster than ever. I have to literally force myself to live, talk or do things.

I started to hate talking , bt sometimes I really hope tat I can just ‘bla-out-everything’ that kept in my mind bt I didn’t, I still feel so lazy and continue being my unimportant person that sat at the corner considering everything that happened or mayB I shall stop being sluggish to stop the feeling of nothingness and boringness that strikes against me. The Cny holiday had been an excuse for me being sluggish.

The first thing I shall do is to post up the 12k picture (34G) for the past 3 months: Bangkok + Singapore trip, Outing with sista(s) , cousins and BF(F). I need to get everything done before I start my work. Taaa !!

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