May 22, 2009

Scuba-diving mode

Been really busy lately
Keep myself occupied with work, work and work
Been following my boss around to Menara KL for brainstorming lunch appointment,
XOX and etc
(with LRT) *Yep, Net is no longer a PRINCESS.. woohoo
soon, i'm going out for sales.. boohoo!
so *BOSS ! I NEED A GPS* thank you
*Yep, i'm aint shy*


I passed by his house yesterday after an appointment at Jaya1
It reminds me again of HIM
and that's why I think I've been really smart for not
posting all of his picture in Facebook or moi blog
*but that doesn't makes any difference duh*
and secondly bringing him meeting all my family members is a
superbly wrong decision
cause I've been stuck up with question(S) about him *sigh*
I'll choose to avoid their questions most of the time
but now, i shall just accept the FACT
so its time to tell them the truth..
as I'm too tired to play hide and seek or guessing game with them..
I need to be equally fair to him and his new girlfriend..


I've confession to make :
Yep, I'm deeply regret, terrible regret over lost relationship
I am shocked at my behaviour towards him

In bouts of extreme anger i shut myself in a room
and imagine strangling him and torturing him
for all the misery and abuse.. teehee
I still remember when i first met him, he was very caring…
But now he doesn't care anymore.. *sigh*
Any of my anger episodes he just ignores me.
I plead and make a mockery of myself.
I have no dignity and self respect in his eyes.
He treats me like a mental patient and that doesn't annoys me
but it make me scared and traumatized even more.

I don't know am i over-sensitive or wert
but i can sensed the love is getting lesser and lesser early this year
Less meet ups, Less dinner, Less movie, Less talk, Less SMS
it freaks me up, it really do
that is why i started to blog about the emo love thingy
*Click Here*
but he thought I'm in love with someone else
but indeed, his the person that I'm referring too..
Aint, his stupid at times ?
but i just love his stupidity..

Thus I am scared about the fact that I will hurt myself in my misery.
No one can even guess looking at me at the mental traumas I have been through.
I seem like a very easy and happy go lucky person.
Every person thought they really understand me
but they are so wrong, wrong-wrong!
But i make a wrong choice for keeping everything right inside me
I shall learn to voice out
If i choose to speak up,
maybe I'm able to lean on his shoulder for another few more seconds
i'll be happy even for just a few seconds
*but its too late*
Hence, no one knows what lies beneath.
I cry hours in bathrooms…I can't sleep....I club....*more often*
I felt so lost and lonely and cheated and angry that he doesn't care me anymore
I really wish i had not met him
cause I am truly addicted to him.
I doubt if i love him …..i wouldnt treat him like he treats me.


*Pictures ahead* updating tonight

Memories ~~


No comments: