Exhausted

I'm feeling so exhausted.... really exhausted

tired of walking on without knowing where am I heading to...

tired of all these fucked up shit..

What exactly is the reason for me remaining unfrozen...

can anything really be said to escape all the meaningless..

I was left so far behind...

feeling tired and discarded...

do I really have to be led on by the nature of this world...

feel...it's gonna make me sink deeper ... yet I would rather remain unfrozen..

will people just leave me alone...

I just wanna be alone so just leave me alone...

I'm willingly imprisoned in my own world....

not moving on or stepping out...

a messed up world where everything is simply not arranged in order...

I pray that the bitterness within me will removed and go away...

How I wish everything resonates happiness....

Envy and jealousy aren't leading me anywhere but I'm consumed by it...

I have misunderstood moments of happiness...

elusions that seemed so surreal...

foolishly staying awake to chase a void...
flashbacks intertwining.... replaying and replaying...
perhaps life has just begun... hopes inflamed again...
foolishness on my part again...are hopes and dreams meant to be asleep forever...

trying too hard to sustain on apathy...overly reliant... a pain point...

what can I find in me when I'm comatose...

what am I seeking for actually....naivety.. can't resist...

I'm embracing it with irrationality...simply didn't bother if it's real...

that won't change how it feels...

who am I...purposeless presence and insignificancecrying when there's nothing to feel...

who really noticed that loneliness..

waking up everyday to know that I'm alone...

I'm confused...

as to how I'm feeling today or it's simply an implicit denial,

masquerading as confusion...

I just have to keep up with the pretence till the day I can open my eyes
and finally get a sense of what smiling meant again...

dun even bother to decipher what's being written coz I know it's meaningless...